Join Kelly Williams Hale today to hear what God’s Word has to say about shame. Shame can often lead to self-sabotage in our lives, God’s grace covers our pain and shortcoming. His grace frees us to become who He says we are. We can trade our pain for purpose. Our fear for courage. Our shame for significance.
“Instead of your shame there shall be a double portion; instead of dishonor they shall rejoice in their lot; therefore, in their land they shall possess a double portion; they shall have everlasting joy.” (Isaiah 61:7 ESV)
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Hi there, and welcome to the Women World Leaders Podcast.
My name is Kelly Williams Hale and I’m your host today on Celebrating God’s Grace.
Let me tell you a little bit about myself.
I’m an author, speaker and coach leading women through inner healing and intimacy work.
I teach women how to get past proving their worth and step into the purpose and plan God has for them.
And so today, I want to share a message that the Lord gave me around shame.
It is a loaded topic.
To be clear, shame is an emotion.
Like fear, guilt, anger, overwhelm and happiness.
Shame is simple a feeling.
I found this definition by Brene Brown, the author of Dare to be brave:
Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.
The roots of shame often come from our childhood. It’s the feeling we get when we do something that disappoints the people we love.
Have you ever heard the words, “shame on you?”
Parents often use this phrase to correct their children when they’ve made a mistake.
If you’re a mom listening, it’s super important for us to be mindful of the words we speak.
Proverbs 18:21 says: Life and death are in the power of the tongue.
We obvious don’t want to speak words of shame on our children.
And speaking of shame, mama’s please release any feelings of shame that you may have spoken. I have an 11-year-old and understand the frustration when our kids misbehave or don’t follow instruction.
My point is our words are so powerful.
A better way to correct, is to let them know that WHAT they did is not okay.
We separate and support WHO they are from the behavior.
We can often feel ashamed when we mess up, our behavior.
But praise God that we can go to him and repent – ask forgiveness and remember WHO we are.
Psalm 139:14 says “we are fearfully and wonderfully made”
God knows we’re going to make mistakes.
He knows I’ve made a lot of mistakes. And the enemy would like nothing more than for me to feel ashamed. Feel the shame that I’ve disappointed God and how could he love me.
But sisters, God loves us so much!
37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
Satan uses the feelings of shame to make us question our value and worth.
When we feel unloved or not belonging, we can often undermine our own success.
By believing we’re undeserving of rewards, celebration, or accolades.
Have you ever said, I’m going to start my diet tomorrow? And you have all the best intentions to “be good” – but your coworker brought donuts and just one won’t hurt…
So, you have the donut – but beat yourself up for failing again, feeling shame that you can’t stick to anything, etc. etc.
Sisters, we all do this! So how do we release shame?
Before I share, I’d like to tell you a story.
It’s about Will Smith.
Do you remember the Academy Awards ceremony back in March of this year, which is 2022 –
Will Smith was expected to win his very first Oscar for King Richard, the story of Serena and Venus Williams and their dad’s influence on their tennis career.
And if you recall, Chris Rock was the host and made a joke about Jada, Will’s wife, starring in GI Jane 2. Because of her bald head.
So, Will Smith walks up – onto the stage – and slapped Chris Rock.
It was SHOCKING.
Will Smith is widely known as a likeable guy and this reaction from him was totally out of character.
When I watched the replay the next morning – I immediately recognized what happened.
It was self-sabotage.
Will Smith didn’t feel like he was worthy of that ultimate achievement.
We can sabotage our own success because deep down, we don’t believe we deserve it.
Shame can be a trauma-response.
I believe Will Smith’s response to Chris Rock’s joke, subconsciously, was deep-seated shame for unresolved trauma that he experienced in life.
Many of us struggle with unresolved trauma.
This is why we all need Jesus.
His grace covers our pain and shortcoming.
His grace FREES us to become who we ARE in Christ.
We can trade our pain for purpose.
Our fear for courage.
Our shame for significance.
A sidebar. If somebody acts out of character, it’s usually because something’s going on in their life. Let’s strive to be more curious and empathetic before we go to judgement.
Ok, so how do we deal with shame.
First of all, we recognize who we are. Who God says we are.
1 Peter 2:9 ESV
But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.
When the enemy’s lies begin to creep up like, who do you think you are? OR remember what you did?
We must ACTIVATE the authority that Jesus gave us with the Holy Spirit.
Luke 10:19
19 Behold, I have given you authority to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall hurt you.
Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.
When I was young and didn’t have a personal relationship with Jesus, it felt like God was just waiting for me to mess up.
When we are in Christ, His grace is sufficient.
And we can release those shameful feelings we have when we’ve messed up.
Satan who would like nothing better than for us to be separated from God.
We tend to want to hide from the Lord when we sin. We isolate.
And that makes the enemy so happy.
Let’s choose to run to God.
He’s not surprised. He knows and wants us to remember who we are.
Romans 8:1 ESV
There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
I’m going to close in prayer.