Is your marriage on autopilot? In today’s podcast, Cindy Jacob Southworth addresses the things that cause us to put our marriage on the “back burner” and ways to reconnect so that we can keep our marriage the priority that God intended it to be.
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Jacob Southworth, an AACC certified relationship coach with Breakwater Ministries, and part of the Women World Leaders leadership team, and I am coming to you from Cindy’s Porch. Today I want to talk to you about getting your marriage out of auto-pilot, but first let’s go to God in prayer.
Father God, we all have busy seasons in our lives, and your word reminds us of the different seasons. You also have much to share with us about the value of our marriage, and how you desire that marriage to glorify you. Speak to our hearts today, and guide us in a new direction that will bring glory and honor to you, Heavenly Father. In Jesus’s precious name we pray, Amen.
Is Your Marriage on Auto-Pilot?
Sometimes we find ourselves in a busy season. People become entrepreneurs, and there is a lot of focus on building their business. Some get that dream job and devote hours and hours to climbing the corporate ladder of success. Many have service jobs, and their passion for serving goes above and beyond the regular call of duty, even taking them away from their spouses for extended periods of time. Some enter the ministry, and their love for spreading God’s love and serving others takes a front seat in their lives. Many people find when they have kids, the kids take a lot of priority, especially in the early years. Many adjustments take place to go from being a couple to being a family of three, four, five, or more.
And then we wake up and realize our marriage has been on auto-pilot. We can’t remember the last time we had a kid-free date night. Staying up late just to look at the stars and snuggle or staying in bed and spending time having pillow talk seems like a distant memory. We realize that time we packed an overnight bag and jumped in the car for an romantic getaway was ……. Oh my so many years ago, I can’t remember the year. We wake up and look at that person sleeping next to us, and ask ourselves, who is this person? How did we get so disconnected from each other?
If your marriage is on auto-pilot, you need a pause. What’s so sad is that we would quickly take a day off work if we had a medical appointment, our child had a sports event, or mom needed help, but rarely do we take a day because our marriage needs attention. Sometimes we have to decide to put the marriage on the front burner and take a pause from everything else.
What are some ways you can reconnect? You can begin by praying for your marriage. God created marriages to reflect His unconditional love for His people. Your marriage is a beautiful reminder of the love that God has for a lost world. Pray that God will help you find a way to bring oneness, or unity of purpose, back into your marriage.
Clear the calendar and spend some quality time together, disconnecting from all the technology that keeps you connected to everyone else, yes! I’m talking about that smartphone! and decide to connect with each other. Do something together you both enjoy. Find some common ground that will bring you together.
Have a heart to heart rtalk. Start by affirming each other in the things that you appreciate. Build each other up in love, and apologize to each other for not making the marriage the relationship priority that it deserves. If there is unresolved conflict between you, take the time to talk it through and wipe the slate clean with each other.
Many times we say, “I just don’t have time.” Everyone has 168 hours a week, and you get to decide how you are going to use those 168 hours. Determine how much of those 168 hours you are going to give to your most important relationship – your marriage. Discuss your other priorities, and talk about how your marriage can take more precedence in your lives.
If one of you is experiencing a difficult time, take the time to listen with empathy and ask if your spouse needs something from you to make the journey easier. Remind your spouse that you are a team, and two are better than one. Ecclesiastes 4 reminds us that we can work so hard, giving up so much pleasure that it becomes meaningless and depressing. Two people together can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help, but someone who falls alone is in real trouble. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ask the Lord to knit the two of you together to fight whatever battle you might be facing.
If you find that you can’t reconnect on your own, reach out for professional help. Sometimes an objective third party can help you discover the blind spots, and help you see the problem from another perspective. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Psalms 37:30 reminds us that the Godly offer good counsel; they teach right from wrong. We all need help from others from time to time, and God puts people in our path who can help us shed light on the darkness in our lives.
Remember that love covers a multitude of sins, and God’s unconditional love will keep you together. Sometimes we just have to take our marriages off auto-pilot and let God steer us in a new direction.
Reach out and build a web of resources. Find people who will support you. We at Women World Leaders have an amazing team who would love to help you, and you can go to www.womenworldleaders.com for prayer support and other resources.
You can also drop me an email at Cindysporch@gmail.com
Thank you so much for joining us today—as we celebrate God’s grace in our lives, in this ministry, and the world!
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